Tú puedes tener su torta y la come

South America 2005

The metaphorical straw has broken the metaphorical camel’s back. Literally. While walking around Santiago’s Barrio Brasil I found an incredible cafe (named, rather unoriginally, El Cafe). We sat down and ordered a cake to share. Pretty soon Suzie restarted her constant whining (‘Why am I so fat?’, ‘Is my left eye bigger than my right eye?’, etc.) and so I faked needing the toilet just to get some peace and quiet.

When I got back the cake had arrived and Suzie had clearly decided she was worthy of at least seventy per cent of it. That was it. The whining, the stupid faces, the fat ankles, the crooked eyes, the asymmetrical legs, it was all too much. I threw the cake on the floor and ranted at her for ages until — and here’s the coup de gras — I ripped up her ticket to Easter Island in front of her face. (Looking back she seemed to take it quite well.) I stormed off and walked around in a rage for fifteen minutes. I must have looked pretty angry because everyone stayed away from me.

When I got bck to the hostel Suzie’s bags had gone. I don’t know where she is and I don’t care. I think that’s the last I shall ever see of her. Ever.


News travels fast on the old internet, and it may be Suzie and I aren’t as funny as we thought we were. The tongue in cheek humour in this entry and Suzie’s related post worried some at home. Just so you all know, Suzie and I have never been on better terms, and we’ve yet to say a single harsh word to each other. In fact we plan on getting married on Easter Island and Suzie is with child. So relax, put a smile on, and read the two entries again. Laugh at how much we took the piss out of ourselves. And we’re very sorry if we worried anyone.